have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
