he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize