The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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