There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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