I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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