This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
