You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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