i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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