his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
