I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
