Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
