So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
