My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
