Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize