Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
