i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
