You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
