Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
