Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.