well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.