May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize