So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
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What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store