Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice