The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
