We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
