Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
