That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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