So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
