Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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