I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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