I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
