I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
