this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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