Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
