I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm always down for nudity.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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