girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
