i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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