I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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