life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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