help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
