This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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