thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
