I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
so much tequila, so little girl.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
