somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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