I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
