Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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