Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
