i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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