smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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