Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
