You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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