1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
