so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
