I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
