I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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