this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
