I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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