I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
