last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i will never coherently bang her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
