so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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