I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
