I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
