tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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