best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
