i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
