the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
