The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
