News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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