can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
