he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
