Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
