areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
