I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
