you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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