i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
foreskin is a definite game changer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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