this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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