I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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