Please, let me fuck your mom
he was CRYING into my vagina
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I did not marry a roomba.
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