I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
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I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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