She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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