girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
