I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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