Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
