he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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