It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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