Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
