I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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