so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
