why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
